Thursday, 30 June 2011

Dearest Allah

Dearest Allah
You must be laughing at me now ki finally I am writin to you…after suchhhhh a long time….. well. Sorry for that. I mean really sorry. When sad, I have always rushed to you and now when it came to thanking you, I am late…. Bad girl me. But, sorry and maafi de do plz. :p …
Toh well, thank you. For everything. It took a pretty long time… but, finally I am over it. I don’t know if we can ever be ‘over’ anything. But, rite now… dats how I feel. I feel ‘over’ it. So, thanks… a lot…. Tis said that if Allah brings you to it, he sees you through it. And dat is wat I was praying for…. I knew you had brought me to it and I knew you will see me through it…. But the ‘through it’ was killing me….. and it’s over. And I’m glad.
I finally feel free. Able to breathe. And all that and all that. I know that every tear you gave me was for my good. What good, I don’t really know. But then, if I knew, I would be you.. and you, I am not… so, I guess it’s ok- the not knowing of the goodness hidden behind my tears.
I have faith in you Allah Paak. In your absolute power. Maybe my faith is not the conventional faith ppl talk bout, but, faith it is. And am sure you know it. If I am wrong, guide me from within… coz I do not trust what comes from ‘without’. Everyone talks bout wat they feel is rite. Wat they have been taught as rite. How am I to know what exactly is rite. So teach me….in the easiest of ways plz. Do not hurt me in this teaching process. But do not forsake me either. And if you were to either teach me thru pain or forsake me…. I rather you taught me thru pain…….coz I don’t want to be forsaken.
Pain, I have come to realize, is a lesson. For those willing to learn. Blessings too are lessons. What rubbish am I speaking!!! Actually, every single moment is a lesson. There’s lesson in the leaves, in the cars, in the dustbin… in every single thing… and the lesson is that you exist…. You in your absolute power.
Yes, THAT is my faith. Your absolute power is my faith. You have told many things in the Qur’an, bout giving us choice and that our life is for you to judge between the good and the bad among us. Now since it is the Qur’an no one can negate it. But, truly speaking Allah paak, I think… I feel….in ways, I know… that it is all told to simplify things… or maybe to complicate things, am not sure. But it is not wat is.
You have told that ppl who claim to believe in the Qur’an and don’t actually are mere munafiqs. So, if on The Day, I find myself being thrown into the hell for munafiqs, I’d be sad, really. Coz I believe in you so very much. If there is anything in this world that I believe in, it is you- that you are. That you have absolute power. A power that is beyond judging between the good and the bad. Coz you created the good and you created the bad. Yes, you will judge. But it is not like a … say.. it is not like a court judge at a hearing…. Giving judgment between the right and the wrong..
It’s more like a film’s story writer watching the film at a theatre. He knows wats goin to happen, he’s just watching it … for amusement maybe…
And what if the story writer is also the producer, the director, the make up man, the cameraman and everyone else involved in the making of that film? What if he’s an all in one? Well, that’s you. You are the everything in this movie…. We r the actors alrite… but dekha jaye toh… we, the actors.. and the props that we use are also created from your noor....
Isliye I don’t understand the part of you giving us this life to see which one of us is good and which one of us is bad….
I think there’s more… much more beyond heaven and hell…..and that the much more is basically nothing….basically.. basicalliestly…. It’s you.. and you and you and you…. And that’s it. Nothing else is.
I think you said all that coz otherwise, it wud be too complicated.. or too simple.. for ppl… not that you could not make us understand if you wanted to….
It’s just that you didn’t make us capable enuf to understand it all…
It’s like the fuse wires, I think…..tis not that the electricity was lacking…. It is just that the wires weren’t made strong enuf to carry all the current. And that’s the way it shud be.. to avoid damage to the electronics…coz they were manufactured to deal wid a certain amount of current… that’s the way they were made…. The electricity has to be modulated to suit the equipments. Likewise, you made us in a way that we can handle only a certain amount of information…. And so … you have told us upto the heavens and the hells and a little more…. Beyond which if you told… we mite just not be able to take it.. we were not made suitable enuf to take in all the info. Because of course you would not give us full understanding… if you gave us full understanding.. we wud be equal to you… which we r not….. why wud u make ur equals? So obviously we r lower to you and our understanding is limited and so u have been what we call short and sweet in ending the deal wid gardens beneath which rivers flow. … and am cool wid dat…
I mean I aint searchin for the purpose of my life and this world and all that…. I am pretty cool wid the belief that both the worlds are nothin but amusement to you…. I just want to play my part well…..
I mean.. I was talkin bout that movie na… ya.. so I don’t want to be a villain… I want to be the hero.. be among the ‘good guys’. Of course, I wud be only what u want me to be…… but u know… just sayin.. and soooooooooo.. I want u to guide me…..
Like someone wud guide a dumb deaf and lame….
Coz aint I deaf dumb and lame widout u?
So guide me even if it means bearing pain…… coz pain is inevitable…
Our pain is a part of ur amusement … our prayers…. Our happiness and gratitude wen our pain ceases.. all of it…. A part of your amusement thru us. So help me amuse you well……
Like the pain I just went thru…
And now it’s time to thank you…. Coz u in your boundless mercy have seen me thru it.
And that too in the strangest of ways..
Maybe not strange. I don’t know.
And all ways are lessons.
Lessons that teach that ther’s a You.. in your absolute power and glory.
And if there’s any other lesson plz teach me….
Coz u know… am such an idiot! I cant understand anything beyond ur ‘absoluteness’.
Thank you for everything. And nice coincidence that am talkin bout ur power on the Miraaj night….another proof of ur absolute power….
Oh… I shud sleep…
Gud night……. Or morning…. And morning….. whatever ab..


Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Aye Khuda...

Aye Khuda, mere Khuda….
Zarre zarre mein Khuda,
Jis taraf dalu nazar…
Har us taraf mei Tu Khuda.

Har Nabi ki boliyon se
Zahirana Tu hua .
Gaibana toh hamesha se…
Tu maujooda Khuda .

Tu toh har pal sang hi hai…
Kaise Tu mujhse juda?
Jitne bhi saansein bharu,
Har saans mei ghulta Khuda…

Aashiqui har aashiqon ki…
Feeki padne si lagi,
Jis ghadi hone laga…
Ye dil fida Tujhpe Khuda.

Aye Khuda, mere Khuda…
Zarre zarre mei Khuda.
Jis taraf dalu nazar,
Har us taraf mei Tu Khuda!

~Almas Kiran Shamim

Sunday, 19 June 2011

To Kill A Child. . .

Well, so this post is being written in an utter exasperation that has grown over the past 1 month. Today is the last day of our 2 months O&G (Obstetrics & Gynaecology) posting, including Labour Room, Wards and 3 days of FP(Family Planning (today, yesterday and the day before)).

While in the wards I came across ladies who were there for MTP (Medical Termination of Pregnancy) and sterilization (i.e. a tiny part of both the fallopian tubes are cut so that the lady doesn’t conceive again)and I always wondered why didn’t they simply get sterilized after their last child birth….
And if they didn’t want a baby, why not opt for contraception than actually conceiving a child and then killing it?????
Well…. My bewilderment was doubled during the last three days when ladies…absolutely fine ladies… come for MTP to the FP clinic with some lame reason like
“The previous child is too young”
“There is no one to look after the child at home”
“I am not keeping well” ………………
Alrite, reasons good enuf, maybe… but they turn lame when they are not backed by an “ATTEMPT TO PREVENT PREGNANCY” by “CONTRACEPTION”….

Contra-ception -- > Opposing Conception

There are myriad methods of contraception available ranging from permanent methods of Sterilization for both male and female to something as simple as the OCP (Oral Contraceptive Pill) and Condom.
While some people might be scared of sterilization, I don’t see why should they be opposed to other methods when, after ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL , they DO NOT WANT A BABY.
I am not writing this post opposing ‘abortions’, in general…that is not the debate here.
I am opposing the treatment of MTP as a joke.
MTP, when done for medical reasons, as when the child has been detected to have some anomaly or the mother is found to have some serious disease; or for social reasons, as when a child is conceived out of rape; or a child conceived due to failure of some contraceptive method (conceiving INSPITE of using a Copper-T or OCPs) is acceptable.
Even in cases when a lady conceives during lactational amenorrhoea, I wouldn’t say MTP is wrong.
But, otherwise, when you were absolutely fit mentally and physically… and you WERE NOT DESIROUS OF HAVING A CHILD,


We have seen in the wards, that when you counsel a lady regarding the use of a Copper-T (which is hormone secreting intra-uterine device), they go all NOOO NOOOO as if it is something very dangerous and very immoral….
There are some other ladies who refuse sterilization coz ..well… the HUSBANDS… haven’t agreed, again, maybe coz they feel it’s immoral and dangerous.
These same ladies go and get pregnant and later come with a request for MTP…… as if THIS is something very safe and moral.
A sudden bout of bleeding can never be safe my darlings….
And wat am I to say about the ‘Morality’ of KILLING A CHILD…………..

Some women, maybe, feel that pregnancy is just a temporary cessation of her periods and what she loses by MTP is just her ‘period blood’…. They don’t realize that this is as much her child as any child she has had or may have in future. This is a child that is lost… a child that is KILLED .. it is not just a re-commencement of her menstruation….

We also come across illegal pregnancies… before marriage or out of marriage…..again, I do not understand WHY cant these girls ‘prevent’ such pregnancies. I mean we even have Morning After Pills…. Don’t they watch television?????

There is one case which I saw during my Labour Room which I shall never forget.
An around 40 yr old lady came to the LR with Labour Pains… and not the onset of Labour Pains… but it was like she will deliver in no time. The Fetal Heart couldn’t be localized and an IUD (Intra-Uterine Death) was confirmed. A C-Section was done and a swollen, infected Huge Dead Fetus was removed.
This lady’s husband passed away many yrs ago… she works as a maid… conceived illegally….never told anyone bout the conception….ppl ignored the growing abdomen coz she was as such fat…. She didn’t go for ante natal check ups… nothing… must have.. MUST HAVE… felt the foetal movements which she ignored… and turned up as an in labour IUD.
Why??? Tell me, why???

Do you realize that there are couples in this world who can sell their all just to have a child?
There are young girls who have undergone hysterectomies for unavoidable reasons and can never have a child?
Do you realize that infertility has increased so much more in our times???

If you realize all this, do not take your ‘fertility’ for granted.

Do not conceive a child that you are not desirous of.



Allah hafiz

Friday, 17 June 2011


                                      "Come, cleanse me of my sins!"

To Love.... or not to?

“Checking me out?” , he told, curving his lips into that heart-shattering smile.
He had noticed her admiring eyes moving across his well toned chest while he slid out of his tee…

It had been a long day at work for both of them….
And they just wanted to snuggle on the couch with a warm cup of coffee with nothing else to worry about.

She laughed at that… the tire of the day absolving into a pleasant calmness…
She went over to him with the coffee mugs…. And placed them softly on the table he was reclining against…. And with the same softness she wrapped her arms around his neck….
“Can’t I?”she questioned, her eyebrows raised in a mock inquisitiveness.
And she laughed again…
And this time he laughed with her…pulling her closer to him….
She gave a peck on his nose tip…. And rested her head on his warm shoulder… closing her eyes…. Losing herself into her dreamland……
“I love you”, he whispered into her ears.

Her eyes sprang open….
Her reverie smashed….
A fraction of numbness…

“Love is a loaded word” she told in a hollow voice, her head still resting on his shoulder….
He pulled her face away and stared into those deep black eyes….searching for an answer…
She smiled.
“Live the moment baby. You’re coffee’s getting cold…. Besides, I’m not done checkin you out”, she winked and broke into her pearly laughter.

~Almas Kiran Shamim

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Blessings Delayed 2...


Immediately after I finished writing my previous post, I logged on to the net to search something and found, coincidently, that an article I’d written long ago has been published at………
Wen I had written that article, I had definitely not written it with the aim of getting it published somewhere…. But now, after the ‘Delay’…. In it being published…. I do consider it a blessing.
I am happy indeed.
Again, I do not know if I’d have felt happier had it been published back in my final year…..
I do not know if it being published now is better in any way…
But just like I wrote at the end of my last post….. the words, soon after writing which I found my article published….
“Allahu Aalim”
Maybe, after all, it was good that the blind man got his vision after he lost his son and wife. Maybe, he would have been depressed by his son’s lifestyle, had he seen it. Maybe, he would have liked some other woman’s smile more than his own wife’s smile, if he could see…. And that would have taken away the peaceful life that he lived………….
Just a maybe…..
I do not know.
This is just a human mind trying to find the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that have been strewn across the Universe…. Pieces that are so apparent yet so invisible to our eyes……..our eyes- blinded by all else that we see….
Just a conjecture ………….
Coz….That’s all I can do
Allahu Aalim

Blessings Delayed...

Blessings when delayed… do they remain blessings still?
A child looking for a particular brand of chocolate goes around the whole town in search of it. … unable to find it anywhere… he finally returns home disheartened… crying.. wailing at his misfortune…..
No one knows whether he forgets bout it…. Or goes on secretly desiring it every day….
Yet, after a week…. A month…. Maybe a year….
He goes to a shop to buy something for school and there…. Placed in a stack arranged beautifully, he spots that chocolate.. that same chocolate he had searched for so badly….
Would he still feel the same joy in eating it as he would have felt, had he eaten it when he actually wanted to?
Would he even care to buy the chocolate now?
Would he consider it a gift from God that he has finally received something that he had wanted ‘once-upon-a-time-in-a-magical-land-called-india’?
Would he thank God for not giving him the chocolate then coz maybe it would have caused him some disease or could have been harmful to him in any way?
Would he remember that sad day of searchin as he now eats the chocolate?
I do not know.
I know nothing.
If I knew, I’d be God.
A prophet, in the least..
What I do know is that……..when I was a little girl, I always wanted the Rajasthani Barbie,….that absolutely beautiful little thing wearing the ghaghra choli and dressed up like a bride…..well..almost like a bride….

And I remember standing near Vandana Collections and nagging my mother to get me that Barbie. . . they never gave me that one. They gave me many other Barbies …. But not this one. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. Don’t even ask my parents why… coz they too do not know… it just so happened that I never got the gorgeous Rajasthani Barbie……..
I also do not remember when exactly did I stop buying dolls…. Not that I didn’t like dolls… for, I think, the liking for dolls is an inherent thing in gals….so, well,.. I still loved dolls.. I just stopped buying dolls… coz I felt I had grown up and I didn’t play with dolls anymore…(no, I didn’t play with dolls earlier either… I do not how to PLAY.) but, still….. if I ever got to see my favourite Rajasthani Barbie at Archies…..i always thot of those days wen I had so wanted to have her…..
Days passed and I turned 16. The thing bout my 16th bday is that my parents gifted me lots and lots of dolls…. in All shapes and sizes, all colours and materials…….again, do not ask me why.. it just so happened…. No particular reason.
And that was the year when Azhar gave me…. Guess wat?...
Well… the Rajasthani Barbie. :)
Coz he had heard me say so often that I liked it so much.
I was happy, of course.
But I don’t think I was as happy in receiving the Barbie as I was happy in the thot that Azhar cared so much for me.
But, happy I was.
I named her Roshni… by the way, all my Barbies have names beginning with ‘R’….
And Roshni still stands (stands coz I want her beautiful ghaghra to be visible…) among all the other barbies in my showcase at home.

Is there any significance in not getting a doll at an age wen I would have liked it better ?
Would I have broken the doll then, and so getting it at 16 was better, coz now the doll could be preserved? No, coz’ each and every of my toys are intact …. As also my aapa’s …. We were two ‘i-will-never-break-my-toys-coz-my-soul-is-hidden-inside-them’ type of girls.
Would I have felt proud in having such a beautiful doll? No, coz my friends had twice the number of Barbies than I had… maybe even thrice the number…..of all types…
The only purpose could be the feeling that ‘oh, Azhar loves me so much.. he is the one who finally gave me my favourite doll’…..but, then again, I wonder if that feeling was of any substance when now Azhar and I are no longer together?

So, I wonder….. Blessings when delayed… do they remain blessings still? Or they become just another mundane event in your life merging into their surroundings like they have no separate existence of their own?
A blessing is a blessing, you’ll say…. I agree…. Ask him who gets vision after being blind… if only in old age, he got to see the blue sky….
But, a year ago and he’d have seen his son before he died….a few more years back and he’d have seen how his wife looked when she smiled….
So, does it suffice him to see the blue sky?
Or does his heart now cry over whatever missed his new found sight?

I do not have any answers.
Questions abound.

And Allahu Aalim.
Allah knows best.

Monday, 6 June 2011

The Biggest Time-Consumer.

I really feel that an average human spends more time with clothes than with anything else….

Be it leafing thru magazines lookin at the super-slim models wearing the super-gorgeous clothes…
Be it window shopping and sighing at all the clothes you wish to buy but can’t coz
a) You can’t afford to buy them.
b) You can’t afford to get into them, being handsomely blessed with Adipose tissue.
c) You don’t wear these kinds of clothes.
d) You are free to write your own reason here….
Be it actually goin into the shops (many many) and selectin out one or two (from many many) clothes that you feel you CAN afford and you CAN fit into.
Be it tryin them on (a million times over) for yourself and tryin them on (another million times over) for your elder sister (if you have one).
Be it foldin them properly (after unfoldin coz u don’t like the way ur mummy folds it) and keepin them inside ur cupboard (or wherever u keep ur clothes)
Be it goin to the tailor and explainin the tailor in at least two different ways how u want it to be stitched(in case it is not readymade( and in two different ways coz The Tailors Association has passed a law that they shud never understand instructions the first time))
Be it choosing which one to wear each morning (and don’t forget that each day has a morning…. I mean one morning per date in the calendar!!!!(and also don’t forget that there can be evenings with parties and stuff!!))
Be it finally getting out of ur laziness to iron them (if they need ironing (Seriously!!!! Whoever started this custom of wearing wrinkle free clothes!!!!! Must have been the most jobless person of his times…)).
Be it finally ironing them.
Be it wearing them…
Be it discovering some glitch while wearin them (for unimaginative minds, I explain- glitches could be a missing hook, a stuck zipper, a small blotch of ink and the likes!!)
Be it the time taken to get rid of the glitch.
Be it the conversations that ensue regarding those clothes…(misaal ke taur par- “Ohhhhh!!!! Almas!!! Nice churidar… from where?” … “Which material?”….. “Don’t you feel hot wearing it?”…… “R**** too has a similar one!”….. “I had gone to the same shop, I didn’t see it!!!!” (ya!!I wear lenses!!! I can see twice as much as you see *rolling eyes*)and the likes!!!)
Be it returning and peeling them off.
Be it washing them.
Be it takin them out to hang on the clothesline to dry…
Be it goin out the next day to take them from the clothesline.
Be it rewashing them coz the crow has mistook it for his toilet.
Be it re-drying them (this time under the fan, inside the room (you see… doodh ki jail billi chaanchh bhi phoonkh phoonkh ke peeti hain))
Be it foldin them (again!!) and keepin them in place….

Be it anything…. An average human spends more time with clothes than anything else. I bet!!

At least, if ‘I” am to be considered an average human….
Allah hafiz

The minute I heard my first love story...

"The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."
----- Maulana Jalaluddin Mohammed Rumi

I tried a lot to find the original verse in Persian……… not that I understand Persian, but still….
In any case, the English version is no less beautiful.
Coz’ haven’t you searched for him….. for him… for her…
Who has been..
And will always be…
Within you….
He has been in you since the world began….
And he has been flowing in your veins for ever…….
He is IN you….. Coz he is yours… and you are his….
And yet you search …….
High and low…….
For him who is a part of your existence….
Who is yours………
Forever was………..


Now reading ... "Crime and Punishment" by 'Fyodor Dostoyevsky'.



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