Friday, 9 July 2010

Day 19# 08 July, 2010

#Saw another dream. Cant decide whether it was a good one or bad one. In it, my jaan writes me a letter telling that he likes me. And something like, ‘we cant know without saying, and we cant be saying’. . And basically i dont remember much. Bottomline of that letter (which I saw in my dream)- he likes me but wants me to get lost! ! Ahh! Whatever. :) a letter in a dream is better than no letter in reality :)
  1. Took inspiration from the above mentioned dream and wrote a short story, “Those Dazzling Bangles” for my blog :) I like how the story turned out. :)
    #Pacified myself some more regarding Azhar.
    #Something came up which again made me realize that when people go away from your life, it’s for some good. :)
    Allah hafiz.

Day 18# 07July, 2010

#Exam went better than I had expected it would. Alhamdulillah :)
#Shifted most of my clothes back to my old hostel. :) That means a little lesser work on the final shifting day, inshaAllah :)
#Bought a dinner set for Anisa’s wedding. Went to her house and gifted it :) She was surprised and really happy. Good. :) I has a happy happy :) :)
#Also bought a necklace for Anisa, this is a combined gift. . . From Amuda and me. :) its really beautiful. :)
#Bought hair clips for the girls working at aapa’s place.
#Bought a doll for Fiza and a small robot for Faris :)
#Bought a BIG suitcase :) :) :) I has an equally BIG happy :) hee hee
#Saw a dream. . Saw my jaan in the dream. :) oh . . And that I enter a church, where I meet a nun and a pundit. . And we three talk passionately about God. :)
#Some sad things happened too, but, the happier things outweighed the sad ones :) Alhamdulillah :)
Allah hafiz.

Day 17# 06 July, 2010

#Studied . . . Finally. . . Not much, but still, something’s better than nothing. :) Alhamdulillah. :)
Allah hafiz

Day 16#, 05 July, 2010

#Didnt study.
#Didnt get tensed :)
Allah hafiz

Thursday, 8 July 2010

Those Dazzling Bangles.

"I started writing this thrice before, but, I couldn't get the right words. I have started yet again and I don't know if I'd get the right words this time around.
In any case, I shall not stop, coz' I can't carry this within my heart anymore.
I came to know through one of your friends that. . Well. . . That you love me, for quite some time now. I was happy to know it and still I was sad. Coz' you know, certain things are just never meant to be. . .

The other day I saw you with your friends. You were laughing your pearly laughter, pushing your hair behind your ears. And your bangles. . . What are they made of ? They dazzle in the sunlight. But, I guess that you'd just have to wear things so dazzling. . . being so dazzling yourself. Otherwise, they'd be no match to you. Anyways, so I saw you that day- so carefree, so happy, so childlike. . . Oblivious to everything. I could have fallen in love with you all over again. . . Just like I'd fallen in love with you many years ago.
Oh! I am getting my tenses wrong.
I am sorry. This is my first love letter, you see.
I should rather be saying that I HAVE BEEN in love with you for many years now.

I don't remember the first day I'd seen you, I wouldn't lie. It was not in ONE particular moment of ecstacy that I had found you amazing. It was rather a very slow and steady process of losing my heart to you- part by part. . . Piece by piece. . .

Each morning, unknowingly, my eyes searched for you. And when I saw you enter the lecture hall, my heart skipped a beat. I knew I was losing myself and trust me, I was glad.
I was happy just being near you, hearing you talk, seeing you smile. . And just in case I was the one at the receiving end of your words or smiles. . . My day was made.

I have done little other than loving you these past days. . . Loving you and observing you. I know that you bite your lower lip whenever you are tensed up. I know that you hum the same song whenever you are happy. I also know when you are sad, though, I have no idea how I know it. . . I just seem to sense it. . Kind of supernaturally.
I know that whenever you wear a new dress, you put on your black sandals, which, just like your bangles, dazzle in the sunlight.
I was happy just knowing you, observing you . . . And loving you.
So, I can't tell you how painful it is, now, when I know that you love me too.
Knowing that each time I had thought about you, you might have been thinking about me too.
Knowing that maybe you have noticed that I begin to stammer when I am tensed; that when I am happy, I walk really fast; that I write all my exams with the same pen.
The thought that you might have noticed me as well as I have noticed you just knocks the breath out of me. . .
It is scary and it is painful.
Very much.
Coz' you know. . Certain things are never meant to be.
You are happy in your oblivion, loving me; just like I was until a few days ago. But now I am dying. . . Knowing that you love me as much as I love you. . . Maybe more. . .
Knowing that we have got what so many others don't.
Knowing that we are here, together.
Knowing that it could be so perfect.
Only that. . . It is not.

And we don't get all that we desire in life- it's hurting in itself.
But, what hurts more is when life brings your love to you. . . Serves it on a golden platter with violins and harps playing in the background. . .
and you turn your back to it and leave.

Forgive me for that.
Coz' you see, certain things are never meant to be.

Our college life comes to a close tomorrow. We'd be moving our separate ways. I just wanted you to know today, that I have loved you. . . A lot.
And that I wish you happiness and success in your life.
Be blessed.
And keep laughing your pearly laughter.
. . . Forever. . . "

His eyes were wet as he folded the letter and put it back in his wallet. But, no. . . This evening wasn't the time to let his tears escape. . . It was the first reunion after college. . And there were smiles all around. . . And there. . . Near the rose shrubbery, he could see a beautiful girl. Her hands were slid around the arms of a man. . .he didn't know who. She was talking to a group of friends. And then she turned and their eyes locked for the briefest moment before she waved at him and smiled. He managed to wave back before she turned to her friends again.
And she broke into her pearly laughter and she pushed back her hair behind her ears and he could see her bangles and he was sure that if it wasn't an evening but day, those bangles. . . Whatever they were made of. . . They'd dazzle in the sunlight. . .


Monday, 5 July 2010

That Night. . .

And that night when you took my hand in yours. . .
And told me you'd be mine.
I knew my dream had come true. . .
Just by the shine in your eyes.

And lying on your chest I found the peace. . .
Which I searched so high, so low.
Wrapped in your arms in that moonlit night. . .
Did I need to ask for more?

And I could hear the sea afar. . .
The waves crashing into each other.
And I could hear the rhythm of comfort. . .
Your breath so close to mine.

And the breeze was rustling the leaves. . .
Caressing them, sending them off to sleep.
So they may not envy our union. . .
Lest they might burn and die.

And time seemed to stop moving. . .
Like this world was never to end.
And each dream broke into a million more. . .
Spread out their wings and took flight.

And I could feel my heart beating. . .
Singing your name softly.
And I felt my own name in your heartbeats. . .
Now I knew our souls were entwined.

And then I said a silent prayer. . .
A prayer for you and me.
Just then, a shooting star shot by. . .
What could be more divine?

That night when you became mine. . .


Sunday, 4 July 2010

Day 15#, 04 July, 2010

#One year since I spoke to my jaan :)
#Ordered food from Kream Korner. . Paratha, Chicken Manchurian and Gobhi Manchurian. :)
#Mummy Abbu feeling fine today Alhamdulillah :)
#Realized that God was so nice to take me out of my past relation. God always does the best for us. We just need to wait for the outcome.
#Also realized that some ppl dont deserve to be buoyed up. Talk some sense to them and they start makin fun of you. Rather just let them be.
#Didnt study.
#Practical dates almost confirmed. Hope it all gets over.
#Spoke to mummy for an hour after so long.
#Abbu gave me the gr8 news of Dhoni’s marriage :p
#I want him to be happy always. People tell me to forget him. I will, in time, but it cant be an active process. It’s silly to even think of it. That’s not the way hearts work. Not mine, at least. I love him. And I wish him all the happiness in the world. . . Wherever he is. .he be safe, happy and a good boy. Aameen.
Allah hafiz

Day 14#, 03 July, 2010

#Read Maeve Binchy’s “The Return Journey”. It’s a collection of short stories. Really nice. :)
#Didnt study.
Allah hafiz

Day 13#, 02 July, 2010

#Exam was ok, Alhamdulillah :)
#Suppressed my urge to shout at my father.
#After trying out 3 ATMs and finding them ‘temporarily not workin’, finally got to withdraw cash for the month.
#Went to my old hostel, paid the fees.
#Paid money for dua.
#Bought 6 novels. :) :) :) 4 by Maeve Binchy :) love her stories :)
#Read “A Walk to Remember” by Nicholas Sparks. Gr8 one :) brought smiles to my lips and tears to my eyes. :_)
#The boy on the cover page reminded me of my jaan. :)
#Didnt study anythin. :)hee hee
Allah hafiz

Day 12# 01 July, 2010

#Tried to keep it cool.
#Succeeded :) Alhamdulillah
Allah hafiz

Thursday, 1 July 2010

Day 11# 30 June, 2010

#Paper was, Alhamdulillah, O.K. . :)
#Didnt study :) hee hee hee :p
Allah hafiz

Day 10# 29 June, 2010

#Studied. . Or at least tried to :)
#Didnt get worked up. Alhamdulillah :)
Allah hafiz

Day 9# 28 June, 2010

  1. Alhamdulillah :) Paper was better than I had expected it would be.
    #Feeling happy.
    Allah hafiz


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