Saturday, 28 November 2009

Eid-ul-Zuha Mubarak!!!!

Eid-ul-Zuha Mubarak ho sabko!

After much hesitation, i’d finally decided to come to Anisa’s place for celebrating Bakreid...and Alhamdulillah it has been a wonderful Eid today.... :)

As always, we went to the Eidgaah for the Eid prayers…. But there was a little difference between the previous Eid and this Eid… this time I was wearing the hijab :)
The previous time I had carried a dupatta with myself, to wear while praying…is baar I didn’t have to bother with all that and trust me it feels so beautiful.
Have I said yet that tomorrow I complete one whole year of wearing the HIjab?
It seems like yesterday… twas the Intermeds, twas my bday… and I had worn the headscarf…..:)
Trust me, I was so scared… so hell scared… some hadn treated me well, some had treated me like I was a princess…it felt strange, satisfying, scary and relieving .. all at the same time..
Today, after one year…. There’s not much I think or feel while wearing the hijab….it has become so much a part of me… now I get worked up NOT wearin it, actually….lolz…
So today I went to the Eidgaah wid my hijab on… without needing any ‘extra’ clothing especially for prayers…..
It felt good….
I was happy…..reeeaallyyy :)

Eidgaah is the most beautiful part of the Eids I have celebrated in Kerala….
Its only on tv that I have seen so many Muslims together….
In an eidgaah you actually feel it….
I feel it especially so coz I had never prayed in a Jamaat, until my first Eidgaah prayer… that was in the ’07 Eid-ul-Fitr,…. Twas the first namaz I’d read in a Jamaat….

Eid’s been the only occasion when I’ve prayed in congregation and so it makes me feel like oooohhhh!!!! :)

The hurry at home, so that u don’t miss the prayers….the common place for vazu… the filling up of the safaas…. The shoulders together….. the many people bowing down to Allah in unison… it is an absolutely beautiful feeling..
Can only be felt .. cant really be written in words…

And I just received a call from a very gud friend, Sashank, who recently came to know that I have started wearing the hijab.. and he told ki wats wrong wid me.. I’m gonna be a doc…. He imagines me wid a steth and the blah blah and here I am becoming so backward.. :p


After Eid…we had returned and I helped ani stir the masala for her biryani…
And then we went for the Jumma prayers….
:) :) :) :) :)
Now, this was another gr8 thing…coz’ I had never read a Jumma before this.. I was so very happy :)
Oh oh oh!!! I mean, see it’s an Eid…. And I read my very first Jumma today.. twas a Salafi mosque……and it was an AC mosque…..hee hee hee.. it was not a beautiful mosque or something.. but, khair.. a mosque is a mosque is a mosque..
Waha also we met Ani’s aunty whom we had met in the Eidgaah too..
I suddenly wanted to have relatives..
But then Allah has given me such wonderful parents that I cant ask for anything more.. twud be being ungrateful.
I cant expres myself in words…. Seriously, each time I lok around, I find myself loving my parents more and more..

So.. well. We went to the Jumma prayer…and waha pe I cudn really understand the Khutbah… twas on TV.. I mean relayed from the men’s section…..

The morning Khutbah was beautiful…. Twas bout Ibrahim Alaihissalam ….. and I cud understand it all.. it felt so beautiful…. I cried throughout the khutbah.. the lady beside me was also crying.. I don know.. but.. I loved the khutbah…. Twas not something new.. the same story of Qurbaani. But wen u hear it from an imam, it sounds different… sitting as a part of such a huge Jamaat feels so grt8.

The Qur’an read in the kiraat is so beautiful.. now, I know y people revert to Islam just by hearing the Qur’an recitation….

Hmmmm.. after that we returned to Alleppey….
Reached the hostel at 8 pm…
And I am sleepy
Allah hafiz

Sunday, 22 November 2009

My Heart Will Go On and On......and On .... and On......

One of my friends has started a blog and his very first post is on ‘Hopes’…
So, I searched for ‘hopes’ in my blog coz, I’m so very addicted to ‘hoping’ ‘believing’ and other such Sagittarian stuff….
One of the search results led me to ‘Of discouragement And Hope...’ (click on the name to read the post), where my last line is "Someone sat near me…. Someone who makes my heart skip a beat each time my eyes fall upon him… :)Alhamdulillah…
My day is made!"

Off late I have been feeling very sad bout Chammu.
It hurts not to be liked back by someone u r so totally crazy about.
The past few days have been horrible. And I’m committing this to ‘Jalpari’ after a very long time, but, ya, I cant stop thinking bout him.
This has been one of the worst weeks I have had…. Well, not actually worst.. but then reeeeeaaally rrreeeaaalllyyy bad!!!!!!!!
And 99.99 % coz of Haasil urf Chammu urf Mr. I urf Kiddo… and all the other names I use for him :)
I am not used to it.. this one-sided thing I mean… I am just not used to it…
And now I like this boy like hell… and he doesn’t like me.. so it’s kind of a really sad feeling…
I almost persuaded myself to get over him, to forget him….
But then, u know it’s so not possible.
I wonder how and why.. coz all I know bout him is his name…. and ya his batch number… and his bday. :p
I don’t even know where is he posted filhaal….
I see him once in a month maybe…
And uspar bhi I have this strange problem of not being able to look at him…
Lolz… it must sound funny .. but the muscles of my neck go paralyzed wen he is around….
If he’s to my left…. I totally lose the ability of turning to the left….
If he’s to the rite, I cant turn rite…
I cant look at his face
Forget bout lukin at those gorgeous eyes!!!

It feels like a curse….
And I have been so terribly sad….
But, then I thot ki y shud I let my love be dependent on someone else’s choice.???
[you know, the typical ‘my’ kind of thinking]
I know this is a wrong thing to do, coz at the end, this will hurt me like I cant imagine…..
It has happened earlier too…
But, well….
And now wen I read this line, it melted me!!!!!!
Sure as hell!!!
Y shud I let him decide my happiness…
He doesn’t like me??? big deal!!!!

Wen I ws in love wid Shahrukh, he didn’t even know I exist….
Still, I loved him na!!!!

Atleast, Haasil knows me… he knows my name… he has smiled at me *smiles*smiles*smiles* and I have heard his voice :) I have seen him laugh and I know that he has a beautiful black and white shirt :)
Lolz…. There are so many reasons to be happy…..

I had written that post on 1st June’09….. that’s around 6 months ago…..
And no, that was not wen I started to like him… that was even further back into this year…
It’s been a long time since I like him….a really long time of liking him widout knowin anything….
I found out his name wid such gr8 difficulty….lolz… :D
God!!! I like him so much!!!!

If he came to know, he will laugh his heart out !!!
Hee hee hee :D

And yaw wen I had written that post, I hadn even spoken to him…
Ha ha ha :P
I had never thot that I’d go this crazy bout any guy….

People mite not believe me, coz people never believe me…
But this is the biggest crush I have had in my life…ab talak…
And I hope I don’t have a crush again….
I am prepared to be hurt this time, coz I know I will be hurt… badly….
But I don’t want to keep on getting hurt… again and again and again….

And now I suddenly remembered a tweet I had written that
‘You are a freezer….. I freeze wen u r around’….
Lolz… seriously…

I cant stop loving him just coz he doesn’t like me…
He is free to do whatever he wants nai???


He makes my heart skip a beat…. :) :) :) :) :)
And I don’t mind dying of Atrial Flutter….;)

Allah hafiz

A Dream to Remember......Alhamdulillah!!!

So, finally am writing the dream jiske bare mei I have been speakin from such a long time.

The dream begins…. With….. :) :) :) as usual, Water!!!!
I see that am inside a boat… inside the cabin of a boat … and mere sath I have my batch mates…. I remember Anju Anna… no one else… but you know how it happens in dreams… you ‘simply know some things’…. So, in this dream . I know that the other passengers are my batch mates…
And thru the window I can see the sea…. And I see that there are huge waves in the sea… a very…mmmmm ‘ruffled’ sea…. Don’t know if I can use it for the sea.. but wel…
And I see a boy surfing on the waves… toh I think ki wow! Andaman mei also people started surfing… and then I remember (in the dream) of an article I’d read bout surfing spots in our Islands (really…I mean, I have read it in real life)…so, matlab ki I was dreaming bout the Andaman ka sea…
Then as I looked out.. I saw the sea level rise.. I mean we started sinking.. though, there was no panic in the boat…..and then usi waqt I noticed that sea level is returning to normal… and then it started decreasing (huh!!!!) and soon there was no water seen outside the glass window.. and the next instant .. I see that the boat is high above the ground….. ya!!! The boat just took off the runway of the sea!!!! :p :P :p :P
So I also saw the ‘flying’ thing!!

Well. Then there is an ‘interval’

Then I return with another dream.. rather in another dream.. and here I am just a spectator that is I am not present there.. am just ‘seeing’ it.. and am speakin to my mummy (not in scene.. )
So, here I see a sea…. And this is a very placid sea……….. no waves at all… and dooooor mein I can see the coast.. lined by coconut trees…..
(I think I am standing on the other side of the sea….for people who don’t know wat ‘other side of the sea’ means… im sorry.. I belong to a group of little islands… and there’s land all around the sea..and sea around the land… here . there.. everywhere….especially the beaches.. they are crescent shaped… so its like the sea movin into the land.. sory I don have time to xplain beter)
And as I look at the sea I tell mummy ki yeh samundar nahi tha.. twas not this sea.. that sea was so rough….
Matlab I am speaking bout my previous dream to mummy (coz .. in real life too.. I tell all my water dreams to mummy)
And the coolest part of this dream was my ‘computer game’ vision..
Like wen we play computer games.. we can press the arrow keys and look around na.. up and down .. left and right.. we can scan thru the entire scene..
Just like that.. in this dream too.. my vision goes all over the sea…. All directions… as if there is a key fitted on my head and someone has pressed it and that’s makin my head jerk in that direction ….
So I say mummy ki this was not THAT sea…
And suddenly am on the road near the coast… and ‘above’ it….like the same ‘computer game’ vision….
I see a big mosque.
And a mosque next to it..
And a mosque behind it
And a mosque next to this mosque
And a mosque behind that
And another next to it
And another behind it

i mean………..
allllll I see is mosques……………
I can see a road… far away is the sea… and beyond the road there are mosques and mosques and mosques…..
Then I turn to see the other side of the road and again there are mosques……. i look around 360 degrees and I am literally surrounded by BIG BEAUTIFUL Mosques…. and I remember that even in my previous dream I saw a green minar of a mosque…. (ya!!! I remember in this dream bout my previous dream and recall it here… dats y I didn’t mention it there.. I see that mosque ka minaret at the time of the ‘take off’ (later wen I told this dream to my mummy, I described this minar being of ‘kelapatti’ ka color.. the color of a banana leaf))

And while am seeing all these mosques, I also remember seeing some beautiful mosques on the NH… on the way south to Trivandrum….

And then I hear my mummy say, “Tum ek kaam karo Kiran, tum Ibrahim Alaihissalam ko padh kar bakhsho…”

Full stop…
Dream ends after a little vision of the sea and some Egyptian sculpture…

And usi waqt mera neend khulta hai…
And I take some time to realize that I have actually seen a dream where I am told to supplicate for a Prophet.

And I am like woooowwww!!!!

Now, like I have written many times earlier that I have seen umpteen dreams in which I am reading some or the other kalima… and theres always lots of Alhamdulillah and Bismilah and Thayyab filling my dreams…
But this was too beautiful..
I mean, of course, the voice was my mom’s but still… it’s quite an unusual to get such ‘commands’ in ur dreams….
I remember reading a hadees that said that we shud not ‘do’ anything that we r told to do in our dreams if it goes against the Shariat…
Ab isme toh there was nothing agains the Shariat na…
And the best part was that it was to read Fatiha for Ibrahim A.S…. I mean .. a specific Prophet…
It wasn’t just ki… ‘Kiran tum Fatiha padho’ ya even ‘Huzur S,A,W par Fatiha padho’ ..coz we talk so much bout Huzur S.A.W in a day… and in general, Huzur S.A.W fills up our lives…. So hearing his name wud have been fir bhi OK…
But hearing the name of a Prophet bout which I hadn spoken or read in the recent past was quite …mmmmmm… strange, if I can say that!

So, after I woke up.. I actually tuk time to realize that I have just seen a dream overflowing with mosques… and I have just been told to read Fatiha for Ibrahim A.S…
I was like coooolllll!!!!! :) :) :) :) :)

So, I ran to read the Qur’an….
I read Surah Rehman, which is my favourite Surah in the Qur’an Paak.
And then I stayed awake to read Fajr…twas after a long long time that I cud pray Fajr on time.
I was happy.
Uske baad I slept.
I got up again for college, called up mummy to tell my dream.
She too was happy, she told that she too will read for Ibrahim A.S …
Then I went to the college.
On the way I found the meaning of seeing mosques in your dream
It means that somo good news is on its way.

In the hospital I came to know that our results are out.
I was so scared.. but this dream was such a consolation at that time.
I knew that since I have had such a wonderful dream that morning, surely, Allah has conveyed to me that whatever wud happen wud be the best for me. if I failed, twud be for my best…
Not that I need a dream to believe that, but, having a dream f this kind surely has meaning…

Alhamdulillah I passed…. :) :) :)

And this dream came 3 weeks before Eid-ul-Zuha :) :) :) which is another reason to make me so so so happy… :) :) :)

I love traveling in my college bus, it goes round the whole of the town… and its my ‘ghummi’ time… :) I love going for ‘ghummi’ in the college bus.
So, I am going in the bus, and just opposite the Kallupalam, on the road parallel to the Pagoda Resort road, I see a little green minar…….. the same minar…the one in ‘kelapatti’ green….to the same extent as I had seen the dream, in the same shape… rising above the trees…
Exactly the same…

I don’t remember seeing this minar in the past 4 yrs of my stay in Alpy….

I cant be sure if I had seen this minar, then forgotten bout it,,, and that it jumped from my subconscious mind into my dream..
Or if I had seen this mosque for the first time in my dream… and then in real life….

Filhaal, I have no memories whatsoever of seeing this mosque in real life……so it APPEARS as if the vision came in my dream BEFORE I saw it awake.
It feels quite unsettling though.

The dream was on the morning of 7th Nov. and I spotted this mosque around a week ago, don’t remember the date…….

Today morning I had a very bad dream…..i woke up at 3 am ..coz of the dream,,,,cudn sleep after that.

Hopefully, I shall have more of Rehmaani dreams :) :) :)
Allah hafiz

One Dream at a Time....

I was reading the horoscope last night… and under one of the Zodiac Sign’s predictions I found these words… I found them so totally beautiful…. :) :) :) it's from cafeastrology...

“One dream at a time.
Small hopes compounding to become great expectations.
All consuming fantasies have their place, but building possible dreams now can make the impossible happen sooner than later.”

So true, isn’t it? so, I shall try to dream one dream at a time…. And inshaAllah, they’d all come true… :)

Allah hafiz

Bloggers Quoted # 11


This beautiful quote is from 'tmc''s blogpost Monotonicity in the blog- Rumination.

"Sometimes when things go wrong-when the engines not working- the boat has no option but to sail with the wind and the waves. Whichever way the wind blows- there it sails. Whatever conditions Allah puts us in, there we will be. Sometimes we arent able to change the situation, but we can change how we react towards it."

And this, I think, is the ultimate truth..the helplessness of man...the need for a total submission to God arises coz u see... there'z no other go...

Allah hafiz.

Friday, 20 November 2009

Dreamz....:D :D yes, again!!

I have already written bout a few of my water dreams in the past 2 weeks… well, I have had many many many water dreams in the past 2 weeks, in fact I think ki last week toh it was daily….
One even had mermaids….:D :D :D so I was happy… I don’t remember the date.. had written in my FB update.. wil luk bak and write the date (later--- coz I luv procrastination:p)… actually it’s kind of like my previous mermaid dream coz this too didn’t have any real mermaids.. it had mermaids ke pictures.. lolz..:D ya!! I saw a collage (kind of) of mermaids.. and sapne mein hi I was thinking ki wow! I finally saw mermaids.. I remember one pic very well, it was that pic of the other Jalpari on blogger… it’s a lovely pic…

Then I had a dream jisme I saw Neetu Singh and a whole filmy story….. who bhi aisa waisa nahi.. I saw a horror story… it started wid mummy aapa and me.. and then suddenly I just became a spectator and the other roles were taken up by the film stars… (I think Muzammil Ibrahim bhi tha.. not sure…agar tha toh wow!! :p :P :p :P :p) and as goes wid my dreams…. I woke up many times in between only to go back to sleep and continue from where I had left… but finally wen it was time to wake up for college .. I thot ki chhodo yaar!!! So the film didn’t have a ‘the end’ :( :( :( …
Aur bhi bohot saare sapne the is hafte…. Each one ‘item’ … hee hee!! Khair!

All dreams Technicolor…..

lots of dreamz tonite... coz i woke up many times...
all coloured...
last one mein i am in a shoe ka dukaan, which also sels groceries... wid AT, Anupriya.. and assumingly the other S2 gals had gone somewhere... i remember seeing a few junior boys....
the shopkeeper is a Tamil speaking Marwari... (dont ask me how do i know it!!! i just do!)
and he doesnt know wat to wid commodities wen the cross their expiry date...
am wearing denims and a black kurta and waha i try on a black hijab and a black leather jacket and am lukin for super high heels...
uhmmmm... and i luk into the mirror and i have a waist size of Shilpa Shetty

:D :D :D

And next post on my happy happy sundar sundar wala dream.. :) :) :) :)
Allah hafiz

Saturday, 14 November 2009


There’ve been dreams.. :)
The first one had a sea.. and a speed boat and me and lots of other things… all the matters is the water..
Fir today morning.. or was it yesterday bhi I had seen a dream .. isme the water came as rain…
There have been two other dreams that shall be written separately…
Fir yesterday I dreamt of a food court in a mall.. and how my mummy doesn’t want to eat there coz it’d be too expensive….

Today morning, again speed boats, actually a yacht … or somthing like that… and of course the sea,,,

No time to write more….
There was this beautiful dream bout wich I’ll write alter inshaAllah…. Abhi no time. Xam on Monday
Allah hafiz

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Love. . . Or whatever it is. . .

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"Love transcends all barriers. . . . All except. . . . Maybe. . . . Language. . . . :("
[/b] [/i]

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Am I dying???

My chest pain is getting severe by the day.. today its been aching the whole day… I wonder wats the problem.
Am too lazy to go to the doctor..
All the investigations and all. Time nahi hai mere paas…
Marna hoga toh mar jaenge.
Big deal
Bas Allah Paak mere ko jannat de dena :) .. plzzz///
Allah hafiz


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