Thursday, 18 September 2008

18th September, 2008 morning

Today morning i saw that my mumma calls me up and says something that i don remember then she says we should treasure time coz she doesnt know till when she remains. . .
i got up at 8.30 and realized i cant attend the class , besides, i had slept at 5.30 so i slept . . A call from abbu woke me up at 9 tellin mummy is sick . . Chest , back and arms paining, vomiting. . Roza broke. . I was like shits. . Slept for 1 more hour. Got up sacred to death. . Cried and cried and cried. . She couldn see the doctor, i scolded them and told to get an ecg done, twas normal but b.p 180/80 . . . Hmmm newaz . There's somethin bout my dreams i don know but i trust so much
Allah rehem. . .
Allah hafiz

17th September, 2008. . . Morning

i dreamt of the sea . . . Huge placid . . . And of a road in between. . . Im in a car with some male and i am sacred that i will drown. . . Its the sea between blair and ross . . I get that feeling . . Though i cant see any coast, i can see a big sea. . And i am sacred. . . For the first time i am sacred of water, though i aint drownin. . Then there is a water park in the sea. And i am sacred. . And there is a lecture hall, floatin on the sea, and i am sacred.
and i see two moons. . One bright one dull . . And i try to take a pic. . But i cant . . Then i see them as constellations and azhar is mockin at me . . .
Allah hafiz


I haven’t studied anything today, though I really wanted to… don’t know why… !!! im so sad, and I know why, today is again one of those days when the fact that I’m so lonely here, comes haunting at me…
I hate everyone… I hate the people who talked shit bout our medical exhibition, saying that if other medical colleges come to know of it, … we’d be a laughing stock….
Ok, so if fools want to laugh at us, let them… we are WORKING to make things happen, we are not in that gr8 a city that we’d get as many sponsors as them, or watevs… I care a shit…. And I hate you
I hate the people who tell that ther’d be fites during this intermeds, ‘alpy apna aukaad dikhaega, it seems’

Go fuck yourself. Alpy MC, is made of people from all over the state and some from other states as well, so jo bhi aukaad hai, hum logon ke badaulat hai.

I don’t like the fact that im all alone here
I hate it that I aint studying
I hate studying
I hate those who create ‘HATE ISLAM’ communities on orkut
I hate those dumb, deaf, blind fools who give lame reasons to why they hate Islam, when they can very well say that they hate Islam just because they hate Islam.
I hate it that MS word gives a capital ‘C’ to Christians and Christianity , capital ‘J’ to Judaism but not a capital ‘I’ to islam and ‘M’ to muslims… but it makes no real sense… see these words jesus, god, mary , hindu, sikh, Hinduism, jew… newaz, Muhammad mecca medina Bethlehem moses Abraham Jacob, bible, torah quran Koran adam eve Ishmael Nazareth ……I don know the why how who which where when of it… not really to do with the punctuations, if you notice, newaz I don’t have the time to chek so deep into it.
I hate it that I’m still using MS word
I hate it that I will continue to use MS Word
I hate the nuclear deal between the US and India
I hate the US
I hate it that India has changed so much, all in the name of development
I hate it that India is losing her principles, just to win the race to become a superpower
I hate it when I say I will defect India
I hate it that I will never have the heart to actually defect her
I hate it that skin theory class starts at 8.30
I hate it that I still don’t know Malayalam
I hate it that we will have an end posting in skin
I hate it that I always miss the bus
I hate it that I am always late
I hate it when those chaddiwala fools speak bad bout Jesus
I hate it that the world speaks bad bout Huzur
I hate facebook
I hate those who hate orkut
I hate those fuckin lizards which enter my room
I hate it that I cant find the interpretation of my dreams
I hate it that mermaids aren’t visiting me anymore
I hate it that there’s no tata indicom at home
I hate it that all is such shit
And I hate it that I hate hate hate

The only things I love right now are
My god (whom ms word doesn’t give a capital “G”), my prophet Muhammad ( with the capital “M”), my family
And Links , my MS assistant , the cat, she’s chasing the blue butterfly now… she’s a darling.
And Ahmadinejad…….. I love this man.

I’d only get bak ‘in’ mood
If Israel gets dissolved as I type this…
If the north American continent sinks deep deep down
If Bush collapses due to petroleum poisoning
If Bush loses his mental faculties
If Bush gets slapped by Rice
If Bush gets a slap from anyone, for that matter
If anything deplorable, disgusting, embarrassing happens to Bush.

Im goin to sleep… prolly I’ll have kurkure now, then I’ll go to sleep… Its almost 3 .. I don know if I’ll be able to get up for that darned skin class..
But, skin is good, and difficult, and I don’t know
Im going
Allah Hafiz

Thursday, 11 September 2008

Splendid Kerala !!!

Have I ever told you how much I love this state?
‘This state’ as in Kerala, at the southern tip of India, along the western coast… O yeah!!! You are right there… I hate it a lot as well, but, then, all the reasons why I hate it are justified (in my view, at least, and that is all that matters; it’s MY blog, remember?). the hatred part needs a lot of explanation and so, I guess, deserves a separate post. Newaz, let’s continue with discussing bout my love for kerala…
Why not start with my current abode?
The beautiful, beautiful Alleppey!
When, I first stepped onto the platform of Alleppey Railway Station, the general impression I got of the place was that it’s a sleepy, sleepy little town (why am I repeating adjectives?? Huh! :-0). And in the past 3 years, trust me, by God, that impression hasn’t changed a slight… it IS very much a sleepy, sleepy little town. And thankfully, this sleepiness bout the place has made me what I am today, and again, trust me, by God, I am in love with what I am (as in: what I have become). Let me sum up my relation with Alleppey:->
• It looks like home… you just can’t miss these striking similarities..
the coconut trees…. As abundant as at home, perhaps more abundant here… coz’ mallus have been really particular bout keeping Alpy (and most of the other places, I hear) green.

Water, water everywhere… --- Alpy is called the Venice of the East, there are such a lot of canals and backwaters, don’t be amazed if you suddenly get the feeling that you are on a floating piece of land, which would any day drift away from the larger landmass called “India”, into the vast Arabian sea, which, in turn, is bounded, though only for a small stretch, by the beaches of Alleppey… & Home…. Which IS ostensibly a floating piece of land, already drifted away from the larger landmass called “India”, into the vast Bay of Bengal, which, in turn, is not bounded by, but actually bounds the boundaries of what I call home..

The beaches (now, I don’t know whether it’s a plural or singular, coz’ I have no idea if there’s any break in the beach along the coast… I personally don’t think there’s a break, and that makes it “beach”, but, to be on the safer side, let’s assume there are breaks, splitting the long coastline into more than 1 “beaches”)… what should I say bout home? More of beaches than solid land to live on, I guess… plus, don’t forget the quality of the beaches… good, I would say, really good, if not as pristine as of those back home.

General Appearance…(I’m making it sound like a clinical case taking… lolz :D)… the traffic level, pollution (in all its forms), the extremely limited area of what is “City”, the very unsubtle transition from urban to rural, the unavailability of good clothes, the unavailability of cheap Northie food, the unavailability of many other things… :D, the delay in the arrival of hindi movies (compare: lack of theatres at home)…

home pics from the net

my own pics


this is a really sexy pic by azhar... sky sea sand stone.... i just love it tooo muchhh

• The feel is really good…. Quite like home
Humanity…. Hmmm… I can’t describe this similarity. There’s a heck lot of difference between people here and people there… but, I find something similar (Allah knows best!). I haven’t seen this similarity between my home lot and the people at Chennai (no, I don’t mean those northies by any means… not even with the average Tamilian), or Erode, for that matter. (My memories of Calcutta are too vague to comment upon).

Friendly people…. Helpful and friendly are two different words… helpful is a word I would use for all mallus (mallus living in kerala alone are to be considered here, and throughout this post, not the ones outside kerala), ‘friendly’ not for all and esp not for the kochi bus conductors :D
People in Alleppey are friendly (to the extent of getting cheesy at times, but let’s not dwell into that now) just like my dear dear locals back home (to be noted: LOCALS, that’s the word I used… you see? LOCALS and LOCALS alone)

The weather… as hot as the blow drier used during straightening hair… and if you haven’t had the experience of such a thing, you can very well compare the heat to the heat of a tandoor roti, served rite after being taken out of the tandoor (info: the heat of Chennai being the heat IN the tandoor :D)

• The fact that it isn’t water-locked
You can ACTUALLY travel by a mode of transportation called “TRAIN”…yeaaahhh!!
Chhuk chhuk chhuk chhuk chhuk :D :D :D poooooooooooooooooooooo :D :D :D Chhuk chhuk chhuk chhuk
Besides, you can even go to other states by car… I mean roadways… :D

• Alleppey is basically an NH settlement…. With the whole of the city
around NH47, a few roads on this side and a few roads on that side… so, basically what I mean is I don’t need to know a lot of Malayalam to travel on my own (going by the gr8 company I have…!!! (hope you got the sarcasm))… you just go straight and straight and straight…. And then take a left maybe.. or maybe a right… otherwise, its straight and straight and straight!!! :D

• Almas, if you know her to any extent, is a gal who, definitely, wasn’t
Born to be studious…. So, if she was in , let’s say Chennai, or Bangalore, or even one of the places that were available to her during her medical counseling (namely, Bhopal, Jodhpur, Lucknow, Allahabad, Bardwan (very close to Calcutta) and 2 more places which escape me now), she’d have shaved her head, got her brows pierced, tattooed her neck (hmmm, if given a chance to ACTUALLY do that, she’d surely settle for a centaur with a bow and arrow (that’s her zodiac symbol- the sexy Sagittarius)) and been chased off the medical college way back in the first year itself… in Alleppey, nothing of that sort can possibly happen… the very little of Almasism she practices earns her gr8 bursts of laughter in the college and outside, but then, she kinda enjoys it… not being laughed at, you dumbo!! She actually enjoys the Kerala Sense Of Humour :D :D :D :D

• Alleppey, is a relatively safe place by the Grace of Almighty Allah
(welllll, just minus the sexual perversions :/ ) and going by the way I am, I probably wouldn’t have been able to adjust with others in the North as well (if you noticed above, all the seats I cud opt for, were in the North, I was hell bent on remaining in the South… I didn’t want to change to Northie ways…. I wud’ve got a culture shok there… not that I didn’t get one here… but, then, this culture shok is way way better than the one I wud’ve got , had I been up there), inspite of having Hindi. The prime reason :> I need a proper place to pray… and supposing I’d have chosen to stay out in some other hostel… I don’t think my life wud’ve been as cool as it is in Alleppey, coz’ returning late at nite all alone wud surely be sumthing I wud hav thot 2wice bout, before doing…. (I’m a c/c late entry here :D)… Speaking bout my journeys to and from home, the Alpy-Chennai route is a good one Alhamdulillah…. In the others, it is either by flight or thru places like Bihar… ( I wud’ve gone with the former option :s )

• Alleppey is a small town with Cochin only 2 hrs away (by public
Ya.. living in a small town close to an almost-metro is gr8… let’s luk at Chennai, it’s so huge that traveling from one end to the other wud burn your pockets and a substantial amount of a very precious resource called TIME. That’s not the case here.. Vandanam to Alleppey town wud take on the extreme max around 30 minutes in a creeping and crawling private bus (which, in the Paravoor stop, forgets that it has to move ahead, and has to be reminded to start again :xx ). Now, lemme explain why I mentioned Cochin (of course, besides the fact that I’m head over heels in love with this high traffic, polluted, waste-disposal-problem-facing city)… look now, its human nature to get fed up of whatever we have with us… I’m fed of the food in my mess, not realizing that at this very moment there are people in Sudan, Somalia, and even in our own flood-torn Bihar, who are dying to get a morsel of anything edible…. For me, the food in the college hostel is lots better, but, the inmates there are fed up of that too…. Likewise with the place you live in… Long ago, I had met a Bihari boy in Chennai-Alpy, he’s 1 year junior to me, studying in CUSAT, nearby, I don’t remember the name of the place…, but, he told me “You are lucky that you are in Alpy… in my place, there’s no ATM, we come to alpy to get money, not just that, even to watch movies, and as basic a thing as showing an ailment to a doc”…. And look at me…. Cursing Alpy every day for God knows what!!!... so, what I mean is that, it’s good to have a real-time-big-but-not-all-that-big city nearby, where you can go when you are oh-so-desp with life…knowing that this is not the limit, there are bigger cities you can go to get rid of the “oh-so-desp” feeling (as in:Chennai, in my case)… and being the HAPPY person that I am… I cheer up pretty fast, and don’t generally need a dose bigger than Chennai, at least not till now. :D…. And if you have a vandi of your own, trust me Alpy cud be 1 of the sexiest places to live in for a travel freak like me… coz’ you’ll have all the sane reasons to move out of town and all possible destinations really really near… :D

• It’s CHEAP… maybe not for mallus… but, definitely for me…
Whether you take the food, or the house rent, or the auto charges (this, (I heard from a boy named Anand, who is a very close friend of a boy named Azhar(:p), and has done his engineering from kottayam) is true in the whole of kerala), they are way cheaper than in other places…. (of course, I don’t mean the junkies at pondy bazaar, or the so-called-cheap-clothes from Calcutta (as told by my maa and maa samaan badi behen :D))


I guess, I have covered all the most explicit reasons coz of which I love Alleppey, if I happen to remember some more, will put in another post….
Waise, I just re-read this post… and know what? I don’t think that even Alleppians wud know so many positives bout being in Alleppey :D
Allah hafiz

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

If I Go Away!!!


Now this one’s a treasure (for me, I mean)… had written it in a single flow after one of my late night fights with Azhar…. None of my poems is as tidily written as this one… not a single word cut or replaced… everything in a single gush of thought… one of those poems I wrote from the core of my heart….
After writing it completely, I had smsd the whole of the poem to Azhar….. He hadn’t replied a word….
One of the many nights I had cried myself to sleep………

If I Go Away

If I go away
The sun, the moon, the stars
Will all be the same.
But, all I want to know is that
If I go away
Your life, your soul, your flesh and breath
Will that be the same?
If I go away.

There’ll still be those who were left behind
Still be people to come afresh
All would be the same
If I go away.
There’ll still be leisure, still be work,
Still the friends and computer games,
All would be the same
If I go away.

There’ll still be journeys long and short
Still the phone calls from abroad
All would be the same
If I go away.
Happiness more and burdens less
Still life’s ups and downs remain
If I go away.

There’ll still be tensions, still be fun
Still your papa and a loving mum
All would be the same
If I go away.
There’ll still be a large family to greet
Loving sisters and brothers sweet
All would be the same
If I go away.

Life would still move on
Perhaps in a smoother way
All would be the same
If I go away.
From your life- a loner less
All the sad stories less. Rest
All would be the same
If I go away.

There’ll still be boys, still be girls
In your life, in whichever way
All would be the same
If I go away.
No clashing ideals, no different views
No one so harshly possessive of you
All would be the same
If I go away.

There’ll still be rules of the world
But, no formalities for a wretched girl
All would be the same
If I go away.
There’ll still be fights for European games
But, no petty quarrels, no earaches. Rest
All would be the same
If I go away.

If I go away.
The sun, the moon, the stars
Will all be the same.
But, all I want to know is that
If I go away
Your life, your soul, your flesh and breath
Will that be the same?
If I go away.


I Don't Want To Write!!


This was probably when I was feeling too lazy to write something… (God knows what!!! I could have written it, after all…. Lookin at the mess I wrote ultimately :D)

I Don’t Want To Write!!!

Blinking at the blank pages
I sit down to write,
My thoughts are on the move
My fingers don’t stir a slight.
Such a lot has happened,
Such a lot has changed.
But, no, am unable to…
My fingers don’t stir a slight.

If only there could be something that
Captures what’s in my heart,
I wouldn’t need to put words to my feelings-
That would be its part.

I’d just carry this little wonder
Wherever I’d go,
And all my feelings would get stored
Just as in my heart they flow.

Then each day there’d be loads and loads of stuff,
All written by this magical thing.
I wouldn’t bother to think to write,
Just to my heart I would give wings!!

I wouldn’t look for solace
To find the right word for what I feel.
This awesome thing would show every emotion
Like a movie playing from a reel.

But, until I find this little gift
For me sent from the heavens above…
I’ll take the pains to think and write
Tales of jealousy, hatred, fun and love. :D :D :D :D


The Guitar


This one was written for Ashish Thomas, my Orkut friend…as a testimonial :D

The Guitar
Life’s so much like a guitar
If you liked music you’d know.
The strumming of each chord is like
The tune of life’s high and low.

The more the ups and downs you see
The better the tune by the chord
And at the end, the sum of all
-a melody like the Word of God!!


Well, it was bout guitar coz’ he likes playing the guitar…

I Wish I Had A Magic Stick


This had been put on the college wall mag

I Wish I Had A Magic Stick

I wish I had a magic stick
I’d change things in an eye’s blink.
I’d never let a drop of tear roll down my parents’ eyes
We’d have a lot of friends to love and be loved by…
The world would be a big kingdom with happiness everywhere,
No sorrow, no pain, no tensions would be there!
And of that kingdom, Fiza and Faaris would be crowned Prince and Princess,
Abbu and ammi, King and Queen; bhaiya and aapa, Chief Ministers.
We’d have big palaces in every city we’d go…
There’d be no air sickness and ticket fares would be low.
There’d be no unemployment and poverty would end,
No sickness, no diseases, only laughter’d be the trend!
There’d be lots of trees and also large blue seas…
I belong to an island and can’t live without water around me.
Whenever I’d want summer, there’d be sun shining bright,
And on asking for winter… snow would slowly fall from sky.
My brother-in-law would be lovely; he’d never scold or scowl
My sister wouldn’t have to work; she’d play with her kids throughout!
I’d have a palace built where all the cats would live
And all the dogs would be packed in a box and sent atop a hill.
Most importantly, with my magic wand, I’ll remove jealousy from earth;
Only calmness, happiness, love and prosperity would take birth.
But, now, after writing so long, I really think it wouldn’t be fair…
To have a world with all things good, it really does look bare!
Coz’ a pinch of salt, a dash of lime is needed for delicious meals.
Some good, some bad and Judgments fair were part of Allah’s deals.
So, I think I’ll let go off the magic stick and just make a simple wish…
Some wisdom, some care and feelings rare that’d make my life bliss!!!


An incomplete poem, I guess, now being given ‘completed’ status :D


No one to hear my happiness
No one to hear my sorrow…
Alone in this grey world
I shall move today, tomorrow.

Running wild to find myself
Through streets wide and narrow…
Am I the real me?
Or am I just a shadow?

In myself I will find my joy
Your smiles I will not borrow…
Nor will I lend you my tears,
I’ll kill them with my faith’s arrow!


Now reading ... "Crime and Punishment" by 'Fyodor Dostoyevsky'.



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